1 week. Just 1. That's it. Time's up.

Feelings.
Why is it that one experience happens and could and does change a person? What does our brain say or do? Why is it that we feel the way we do, or even see it the way we do? We have medical reasons and answers, we have science to tell us why it is we feel this way but the vaguest of answers is "that's just how the human body works." Well it needs a reason. We all need a reason to keep moving on... or is it just how it works? Does it all; being every moment, everything and anything that happens, truly happen for just one reason?
Sitting, waiting, hoping for somehow an answer to these feelings... all feelings through these months. Maybe a reasoning to why everything happened the way it did but then what? You know. Well, I know. I would know. But then what? SO WHAT, I would know why but what would I do with what I knew if time has and had already passed. Maybe that's our biggest problems as human beings. Always wanting reasoning. Always waning to know more than we know, and always wanting an longing for something better. But why is that? Why is it that we aren't satisfied... but not even satisfied with the moment we are in? Is it that... that's just how it is supposed to be? Is it that medical science or all the science in the world could never tell us a reason or our path for the long run? How disappointing. (sarcasm) Now more than ever is the time to live in each and every moment down to the second. Hold on to it tight, because in the end all you'll ever have are the memories to remember but never to tell because to anyone and everyone else it won't matter and be anything but a memory but to you it was a moment that felt endless, yet ended too fast. In the end, yes I believe all things happen for a reason, but you choose which way the road turns. You choose to make it happen, you choose the way it goes. Destiny is Destiny. Make what you want most to happen, happen. Time it will take, but always DO MORE. Go forth and make it all happen. They say life is too short, but if you do it right you'll have just enough time.


See you all soon,
Elizabeth

"Remember moments like those though. They are the best and are the ones that truly matter when you leave. Hold on to the moments because in the end all we will ever have is memories. Live in the moment and never stray far from it, because when the pain of the new day begins.. staying in that exact moment soothes the work day to come. Live to tell the tale, of happiness."

Last month coming up..

Overwhelming sadness came upon me thinking about the fact I almost only have 5 weeks left.. ONLY 5. Time flies when yourhaving fun and when you try to think time doesn't exist, it only slaps you in the face even harder when you remember.... in fkn fatti time does exist.
At first i'm thinking.... this going to be such a long year of my life, i'm leaving my family and friends and everything and replacing it with something I have to rebuild it all over again.
First, the thing I wanted to do was go "home". I didn't care as much as I do now. I wasn't completely attached as I am now. Now, things have changed. I spent the first part, and when I say first part I mean the first SIX months of my time here, in sort of what felt as an obligated, and awkward situation. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond grateful for the lessons I have learned and the people I had met during that time but when someone doesn't actually want you and has a minimum self control level, makes things sort of difficult to see that it is always greener on the other side. In a sense I am completely happy that everything happened the way it did. I spent the first 6 months in a sort of different state of mind, mixed with "broken" heart bullshit, homesickness, real actual sickness, anxiety, confusion of whats become of what I left home, and the aching desire to want to have an amazing time here in Italy.
I moved in with my counselor, and it was like my exchange flipped upside down. I felt loved and wanted and yes I realize how cheesy and how cliche that sounds but i'm so serious. Completely different from the first situation and even from the situation back home. No dont get me wrong in any sense when I say that. I love my family and what I have back home, but here right now in my life, I can honestly say I have set all bullshit aside (because we all know every family has there conflicts and problems) and have never been happier in my life but not because of just one thing, but because of everything as a whole.
Two lessons I have learned since I have been here is, "not every one is the same." and what "DESTINY" actually means. I have always been the one to say "Everything happens for a reason", and to always let things fall as they may, being here has made me see how right and wrong that truly all is.
I dont want to leave what I have here. I made a bond, a family, out of laughing, learning, and realizing and just being happy. Life happens so fast there is only one way to live it... AND THATS BEING HAPPY.
Someone told me here, that I always am smiling and happy and that makes them happy. Right then and there I felt like I achieved more than just "learning Italian or the way the culture is" I have made friends here I dont want to lose and when I go home only promises will be hold us together until the next time we meet again. These people here will never truly know the impact they have made on my life until the day I can truly pay them back, but even then how do you pay such a priceless thing back.
I have realized that I am not a person who will ever be staying in one place. If it wasn't Italy then it probably would be somewhere else. I will be back here, I know it. Somethings calling my name and its happiness and travel AND it's time to do what no one was brave enough to do and that's just DO MORE.

Another day ends, and another day stats. Make it worth it. Shit happens, Life happens. Forget the rest and just be happy.
Until next time & forever yours,
Elizabeth

But in case you were wondering, this is a sort of conclusion to whats been going on.

60 days left. That's 2 months. Either way you put it, time has flown.  To a lot of you, that's probably forever... to me, that's practically tomorrow. This is the part where I say, "it's been so long since I have updated this." and now on the the recap of my month.... Well instead of that I am just going to recap on the biggest thing that happened this month. My great friend, practically exchange sisters now, came and saw me in my small little city 2 weeks ago, along with her brother. They only spent like 6 hours here, but it was more than enough and worth it... considering the circumstances was it "enough". I met them at the train station, which was overwhelming in its own getting to see them, and then saying good bye all in the same day kinda sucked. I was then homesick for a couple of days after that because I know my family from the states isn't going to come see me this year while I am here in Italy so they were like that moment you get to have with seeing your family for the first time again and then saying good bye. It was so amazing and I couldn't have asked for more of an amazing friend than Alex. I love her.
Next topic, I changed host family's.
Actually, I moved in with my counselor... I love it here. I couldn't have asked for better, really. She is an amazing women and I think I spend most of the day laughing with her, or her calling me crazy. She even came in my room and was talking to me and Hunter and she started tickling me.. now that's being close, and that's being comfortable. I love my situation right now, and unfortunetly my months are winding down and I will have to say goodbye. Goodbye? I dread the moments at the airport having to say goodbye to friends and what is now my family. It's hard to even think about America now, just because I hardly remember it. I don't remember what all home is back in the states. I don't remember who I was before coming here to Italy, because to me I am no one new just improved in the mind and all realizations activated as like a new path way. Weirdly today, I was talking with another American named Celestina, and was telling her my point of view this.. I have come to realize that exchange or studying abroad and really throwing yourself in it, is like getting, SLOWLY, Amnesia. Now what do I mean? You start to forget the way things used to be and what you used to think was normal, but then when you return home after you fully have this, you return to your room filled with old memories, you go throw boxes or or your old clothes and all the stuff you left behind. You see people and talk to people you probably haven't talked to since before you left and it's like all of them are going to try to jog your memory and make you get over this Amnesia you have. I haven't gone through this yet, but I have been thinking about how it is going to be and I am kinda nervous about it all, you know.. coming home. I feel like I have always been in Italy in this strange way. Thank God for Alex, Evan, Caitlyn and my family though because I feel like because of them it will be a lot easier to come back and not have that reverse culture shock or "homesickness" again you know. Moving away from this topic though.
At the end of April, I go to Rome for 3 days with literally the best people I have met here in Italy. I am so excited! Cliche and whatever else you wanna call it, I am going to purchase an I <3 Italy or I <3 Rome sweater.. and my goal is to buy a lot of I <3 (insert city name here) before I go home... lol I love that kinda thing! I went horse back riding for the first time while being here! This amazing family I have met took Hunter and I and their two children (ages 9 & 5). IT WAS THE COOLEST THING EVER. And their kids, made it so much fun. After we went and ate lunch, and this place that we went to is more family oriented where there is a big lawn where the children can play afterwards or during... I say during because the kids made me go outside and race around with them. The weather was perfect, and after we all finished eating we all went and took a nap on this lawn and had the sun just shining down on us. It was the perfect day. The passed year of my life, I have not gotten say "same thing, different day"... the beauty of this. I think I might be fearing this a bit when I go home. I mean, with this new particular person I have been talking to back in the states, is making me see and realize that it doesn't have to be "the same thing, different day." He is so amazing, and I have a good feeling about this.. COMPLETELY off topic but anyways, really though. I mean when can I go sleep peacefully on a lawn, drinking tea or coffee, running around in the country side, speaking Italian like that's normal, drawing whatever... just a peaceful Sunday.. my ideal Sunday now. My schedule for this month is pretty busy I suppose. This weekend, Cremona with the Rotary kids! American time.. that is needed! Then next weekend, probably going to the sea or lake. That next weekend, Milan for my test. Not sure that next weekend... but that next weekend the 29th-1st... ROME BOUND. Then a possible trip to Pisa somewhere in there... I am so stoked to be traveling and going around and just living. By the time everything is winding down... It wil be May... and it will be time to prepare to come home. Get ready Texas.... It's almost time. I know I know... I don't miss you much either. -_-

Maybe I will update after Rome, and then once before I leave back to the states.
I hope everyone else is doing well. This post isn't filled with too much information having to do with realizations because now I am just having fun and living life in the greatest of environments and with the greatest of people. See you guys in no time.

Forever yours, Liz.

Dedication

This has no relation to Italy or anything like that but I feel since a lot of people have been reading my blog as of late or just whenever I post on Facebook about me updating or whatever I just think this just needs to be said.
To one of the best people I know. She, even though may not know or realize it has touched the hearts of many doing what she has done. Sometimes in life we dont always know how we effect other people with just the way we smile or grin at one and other. Sometimes in life alone we dont realize the impact we can have on people by just letting them know that they can talk to you. My 2nd year in high school I met someone that till this day has been one of my heros, I never told this person though. At first this person didn't know I could even somewhat draw what so ever until half way through the year. I didn't want to take high school art but i was forced. I always am someone who stays away from teachers because I just wasn't that into what all teachers had to say, and especially at my school. It was sculpting time in Art class, drew up a few sketches and when I showed this person my sketches... This persons eyes were just i think more shocked than anything lol. I will never forget the day that i started to become closer to my hero when no one else seemed to be listening or even caring. A lot of things were happening during high school that none of my friends have ever heard about but this person always seemed to be able to tell when something wasnt quite right. Not only was this person my hero, or even JUST a person.. this person was my art teacher. Mrs. Ervin. There are many moments that i can thank her for but thanking her alone is an understatement for me. She might not really ever know what she did for me, and probably many others but with this i hope she sees that teaching wasn't her only doing at Western Hills High School, but really making a difference when it came to half the teachers that didnt really care or just didnt seem to have the time to care. Even though you were gone for maternity leave or didnt have the time at the moment, Mrs. Ervin you had time to care, ALWAYS. You will be an amazing mom, and your children are truly blessed. Teaching will always be there for you to go back to. Thank you again.


Liz.

So indeed it's been quite some time that I have wrote in my blog, as usual really. Speaking of time, it has officially been 6 months here I think on Thursday. Kind of really crazy how time seems to be just flying by. With about about only two and a half months left here in Italy, kinda brings me to sadness. Weirdly enough I never really thought I would get to this point of being sad to leave, and I don't mean just oh mannnnn i have to go home already?! but it's more like ummm.... NO, NO, NO I AM NOT GOING HOME. It's weird. I mean don't get me wrong I miss my friends and my family and especially training but this is the life I have lived for the passed 6 months and it seems as though I cant quite remember my life before Italy. I have the weird moments where I stop and am like woah I am in Italy but not because IM IN ITALY and it seems all so surreal but more because its like OH YEAH you didn't originate from italy or with these people who are around you at the moment in time. I have grown close with a few of the people here, and I really can't and really wish I didn't have to imagine life with out them. For example, I am the kind of people who seems to find sentimental value in literally the smallest of things. Such as a cerain two bracelets that were given to me here.. (there were a few more that have been given to me might I add but these in particular, for this reason) I participated in this self defense class because my counselor was like oh hey do you want... yeah sure cool you know! well the man told me to take of my bracelets... you can imagine my face 0_o lol. I did, i told my friend hey dont let me forget these.... well later that night as we are eating dinner, it suddenly hit me OMG, I left my bracelets at the gym. Suddenly I found this horrible feeling in my chest and in my stomach and I really thought i was going to cry. Excuse me... WHY!? I mean dont get me wrong THEY ARE JUST BRACELETS BUT in fact they werent just THAT. To me, these people saw that I was fond of bracelets not earrings or socks or clothes or shoes or whatever but braceletes.. and without me saying anything they had me one and say dont forget me. It sucked losing the bracelets and i quickly got over it but it was just a weird thing that I really did find that much value in "just" an item such as that. One more story and then I will continue. Pardon my incorrect spelling and probably forgetting words as i go along or just bad grammer to begin with. Earlier today i was speaking with one women in particular i have grown so incredibly close with named Norina. We ended up having to exchange emails or whatever but as i walked away she also wrote in the small english she knows before i came back in the room, "i love you, dont forget it." Even now after typing that gives me this overwhelming feeling of joy and happiness because I mean i met her just 5 months ago and i have had the honor of meeting her and getting to know this woman and her daughter and she tells me constantly that i am just like her own. We laugh all the day long about stupid things and she even knows a lot about my family already. Might I also add... I have only stayed with this woman maybe, 6 times. Says a lot to me on its own. There are many other heart warming stories or whatever that I could tell but this one just made my whole exchange.
I guess you could say, I really love my life. Whether it be here, or back in the states I love it all the same. I have grown up and have seen a lot of things for what they are... more than I ever thought I would. I can't say I have changed because only others can see "the change" I am talking about, but I can say I have grown up, a lot more than I thought I would. I am terrified, indeed to come home... but soon enough I will be home.



Life is good, always be happy.
Someone could always have it worse than you, but even then... they are alive.


you'll hear from me soon, Liz :)

Long Time No See Jelly Bean

It's snowing. White streets, white windshields on cars, white breaths of air as people run around. People scattering about if they could possibly dodge the snowflakes as they fall. My mind loving the snow but my average Texas attitude is hating that winter has arrived here in Italy as its like 20F. Five months tomorrow, and the thought of home is long gone. The feeling of "home" is now here with me, exactly where i'm at; Italy. I'm here with memories of what used to be the "norm" back in the states but everything that was, before I left has either faded away or has been categorized as "STRANGE". As human nature, days gone on and as soon as you see something differently or something happens to change your prospective its an "OH LOOK I HAVE CHANGED", or "HEY, I'VE GONE THROUGH THE REALIZATIONS OF.." but as a whole, being here thats what this was. With less than 4 months left in my experience... the missing home factor is long gone. Although with only that amount of time left makes me see like WOW... I seriously have just lived here for 5 months? I've gotten this far? But where has it all gone? What have I done? Who have I met? Where have I been? but the basic question that no one truly asks nor answers is; what did you realize? to sum all of it up would literally be; if you don't have the will to keep going or to adjust, then you just need to sit down. That's not always an attribute you realize you have until it's put to the actually test. YES, "I never give up, on things I start." is what most of you probably said to yourself or thought when I said that. It's what I meant, but in a different way. I'm the kind of person who is going to keep on going no matter what, although giving up in some circumstances has been an option. Now because I say it's an option that's where the TRUE will comes in, is do you have the will to push PASSED that option. Judge me. I have ambition, I have strength, but i'd be lying if i'd said I didn't or hadn't considered giving up once or twice on something growing up. For a matter of fact, it took my parents yelling at me not to give up karate as a kid... an now looking back... if I had been that lazy kid and quit... I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I WOULD BE WITHOUT IT. I weighed the option on my mind but my ambition and will were both way too heavy. Honestly, Martial Arts and the people that surrounded me ESPECIALLY my amazing Sensei who became my role model, my inspiration, a hero AND like a second mother to me, if it weren't for all that.. I don't know what my ambitions would be or if I would have any at that. When I first got here, it seems as though I had arrived with the thought of will, faith, adjusting... BLAH BLAH BLAH ect. on my mind but yet that wasn't it, or at the moment wasn't enough. It was like living in another country had a whole new kinda will I needed to learn to stay here. Now I am HERE. I AM HERE, and have been for 5 months. What have I realized? Nothing. What have I learned?... EVERYTHING. or atleast I have tried. I learned that ultimately being happy no matter why, but the slightest of happiness will somehow always be enough. I have learned that appreciating things while you can, and as they are, in the moment, no matter where you are at might be one of the most important things to do in life.  



So how have I spent my last 5 months? Well... originally i had 61 pictures that described my whole trip here but i will put 5 pictures for the 5 months i have been here.

Pasta.

                                                 Pizza, well needless to say this was amazing.

                                         These girls have been my balance I needed throughout this.

                                                             Amazing views and people.

                                                             She's like my Italian Sister.

                                                                        My host mom :)

 

That is all my friends, hope you all are doing just as great as I am<3

In a nut shell

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Okay that was because i ran out of things to say, so lets talk about italy. Italy as a whole... well I love it here, i love the art, i love that it has put me in the position to really see whats going on around me. Its made me look at things in a whole different prospective and isnt that what i wanted all along. When i first went into that interview room when those i dont know ten people asked me and stared at me as i answered, "what do you want to get out of this experience?" wasnt my answer "I want to learn how to speak a different language but on top of that help my prospective on life grow." Wasnt that what i truly wanted? I dont know what i was truly expecting, and really i dont know what i wanted out of this... but this right now I see so many things differently than i would back home. Right now looking at pictures from when i left with my ex boyfriend, with my bestfriends, with my family i can see right through myself and see exactly what i was thinking. I can see how i was feeling, I can see that i felt like nothing in life right then could go wrong for in that moment that i was taking that photo everything was okay because life stood still for that push of a button making that moment last forever. I could see that i didnt know what being away from people i loved and cared about felt like, i could see that i didnt know really what life was truly about, i could see that i didnt take advantage of the little things in life. I could see right through myself. I can see and i can tell that i am not the same person i was. Not because of a new culture alone, but because being away gave time for my mind to grow around things that cant be changed but only be accepted. I came here not knowing anything about this new italian culture or even knowing anything about the language. I walked into a new place not knowing what i had really gotten myself into, not knowing what homesickness felt like but just giving everything and all a try. I have cried more tears than i ever have before being here, and all you know that Liz doesn't cry. I have made bonds with people i would have never met in my lifetime if i hadnt have decided to go study abroad. I have made memories with people i would have never met if it werent for this. I have laughed with people i would have never thought even existed. And one thing i will never forget is the moment i realized how worth it this all was, because I myself have made more of an effect on people than i actually have come to realized. Whether that be one or more.. but even then one person is enough on its own. At first I looked at this whole experience as if it were a puzzle in a box. I thought it was never going to be done. I looked at it as a whole instead of taking small pieces and trying to make them fit. The disappoints being when i try the same piece to different pieces and them just not working.. but then i start to get closer to the end and forget to look back at the box when i need to... yet needing to actually look at the whole thing as well, a whole. I forgot to look back and now im here. I am here questioning myself as to if it were worth it. I took a breath as i found the answer to my question. Its worth it, and that statement alone is an understatement. This passed year of my life and this new year starting here, is the one thing i have found meaning to and i can really say is worth it. I love where i am at in life and without thinking twice i can say its all worth it.
This is where i stop. I have class in the morning and well, i have run out of words. If this doesnt make sense to you then i am sorry lol. Im done ranting. Have a good start of the week everyone.


Ciao, Liz.